Remember

I have recently spent a lot of time remembering the hurt of this year. Sometimes I think I am glad to be able to still connect so intensely with the pain of loosing my brother and mother this past march. In some strange way it makes them feel close. My broken heart will always be a reminder of the great love I shared with them. I still sob without warning, and once in a long while I still flash back to the hospitals or the place I found out about Caleb. When my dad calls, I still think for a split second that he is going to tell me something terribly world shattering. When I see his name on the caller id my heart races and my stomach drops. I over-react to minor injuries my daughter suffers as if there is still some buried emotion that is wanting to escape. One of my friends tells me I am great at processing this stuff. That is a skill I wish I didn't have or never had to use.

My year serves as a reminder to me: This world is real and full of hurt and pain for so many. Life is short and we need to show love to people around us.

My good friend Jeff, who is like a brother to me, just recently lost his dad to terminal cancer the surgery the disease required. My heart broke again as I listen to his heart break over the phone. I wish I didn't understand what he is going through. I wish he never had to experience the feelings we both know all to well. The feelings that leave you changed forever. My friend John spent the last week sitting at the hospital with a friend who almost didn't make it after she was hit by an SUV (hit and run) while walking. Fortunately she is on the road to recovery. As I write this my friend Alisha is sitting by her mom's hospital bed. Her mom lays in intensive care after another car accident. She is fighting for her life and is in a coma. They still don't know how bad the damage is. They are clinging to whatever hope they can grasp.

So much hurt and loss, but even in great loss there is hope. Will you please remember my friends as you continue to remember us.